An open letter to my brain

Dear Brain,

How long is it that we've been seeing each other? Thirty three years? Has it really been that long? I know there was that little patch a while back where we agreed to separate, but really, I've been quite faithful to you, haven't I? I've never cheated on you behind your back. I've always been supportive.

I think I deserve an explanation, to be honest.

I'm a little saddened by your recent "games". I thought we had something special. I mean, neither of us are much to look at, but it was a mutual respect of each other's intelligence that drew us together. Do you remember when that girl tried to come between us, and you managed to win me over with your analytical sleight of hand and intoxicating arguments? Oh Brain, you really used to think I was worth fighting for.

But here I am, trying my best to do something new and exciting, to embark on a mystical sleep experiment, and where is the support? I would understand if it were hurting you, but I'm doing this for you, can't you see? If this little adventure works, I'll be able to provide you with all the books you could possibly dream of! Really! You know that time you were so upset by the thought that you would never live to read every book you desire, even if you lived to 150? Well my love, I am trying to make your dream a reality! I am putting myself on the line for you.

But this morning, you threw it back in my face. All I asked was that you let me wake after twenty five minutes. It's not so hard, I've been waking before the alarms ring anyway, all you needed to do was to make sure I got up. Alas, you had other plans. I'm not sure how you managed to keep me asleep whilst turning off two alarms, but you did. I imagine you injected some of that melatonin store of yours. You know how I feel about you doing that. It makes me feel violated.

I could probably have overlooked that though, I could have believed you just wanted to snuggle and carried your wishes too far. But then the next time I tried to wake, you actively set out to deceive me! That's right, there's no denying it! You saw me hide my phone alarm behind the television set, and then while keeping me as asleep as possible (no doubt through more melatonin injections - boy, you're going to be working hard to replenish that tomorrow, aren't you?), you stood there with a poker face and told me the DVD player was my alarm as it rang out! You stood by, watching me punch buttons on that player, watching the little tray rolling in and out, knowing that I had no idea it was a DVD player and not an alarm clock I was attempting to defuse. I can't imagine why you would do this.

Is there someone else?

Please be honest with me, I have always been honest with you, haven't I? I can't lie to you Brain, even though sometimes I admit I would like to. I don't understand why my efforts of strenghtening our bond are being treated with this kind of contempt.

I'm not going to stop though, I've decided that much. You can play with me all you like, but I know you'll appreciate my efforts in the end. And if you don't well, as Crowded House sing, it would cause me pain if we were to end it. But I could start again, you can depend on it. There are other Brains, and I'm sure many of them would do anything to be treated this way.

But I don't want to threaten you, my love. Please understand that I'm doing this for you, for us. You'll come round, I know it.
Love Craig